I can’t remember when the sexual abuse began, but it was when I was a very young child, maybe as young as two or three. Incest by my grandfather was an unthinkable act of violence. I didn’t tell anybody because he told me not to. I was groomed until age eight when I decided I’d had enough and never hugged or kissed him again. I was so afraid someone would ask me why? No one did. I found out that he’d also violated my cousins and my very dear mother. She could not protect me because of Post Traumatic Stress which acts like amnesia. At age 11 & 12 I was further shamed and molested by a youth pastor who also hurt many of my friends who were also pastor’s daughters. Secrets are a pedophile’s biggest tool. As an adult I kept these horrible secrets for 38 years which destroyed my insides. The inability to start my period shamed me and when I couldn’t conceive a much wanted child I had no idea it was related to the sexual abuse. I became whole when I was willing to come clean and be honest with my past when I penned my memoir, Listen to the Cry of the Child which has helped me and countless other survivors. I also was courageously able to forgive the pastor who molested me. I would love for anyone to contact me if you need inner healing. I offer a wonderful support group called Beauty Out of Ashes along with my book which is filled with awareness and answers.
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