Please allow us to introduce ourselves, we are the board of directors for Let Go, Let Peace Come In. We are a diverse group. We all come from different places and different backgrounds, but we have a common bond. Each and every one of us was touched by the affects of childhood sexual abuse. Together we believe that we can effect change and break the silence about childhood sexual abuse. We are dedicated to supporting, bringing awareness, and recovery to the millions of childhood sexual abuse survivors throughout the world.

And these are our stories...............

Annie B, Healthcare Professional

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As a sexual abuse survivor I have spent 30 years suffering and 10 years recovering from that suffering. Having been wounded at a very early age, my memories for years lay deep in my psyche without my awareness. As a result I endured decades of undiagnosed PTSD as well as a half lived life in which I could not get anywhere I wanted to go. I was in daily pain as a result of the abuse and my fear of allowing my memories to surface and to feel my way into healing was immense. I didn’t think I could live through it. I was blessed with an angel for a therapist who helped me countless times to continue a journey I wanted to cut short. I was later blessed with a group of survivors who shared their stories and their pain openly, honestly and courageously allowing me to see that I had indeed made progress on this incredibly slow journey of healing from sexual abuse.

For all of this I am a changed person. Wounded still, yes but utterly changed. Suffering no more as I now continually allow what comes up, to come and go. My heart has opened in a way I could never have imagined it ever would again. I began with a hardened heart and now have grown and am continuously learning the limitlessness of compassion and love for myself, others and their paths. When I began this journey, it was all about sexual abuse. It consumed me. While this path still includes sexual abuse it has widened and deepened and has become just one human’s journey with many other gifts, heart breaks and surprises.

Being a part of this foundation and a voice for others who have yet to cross over to the other side is one of those gifts and surprises. Someone held out hope for me until I was able to hold hope for myself. Holding and offering hope to those who have little or none is the spirit that this foundation was created on. I believe in healing with others. I believe in the power of the human spirit, particularly many human spirits gathered together for a holy purpose such as the purpose of this foundation: To offer hope, healing and change to a survivor who can find in him or herself even the smallest desire for it.

Lonni P. Passionate Survivor

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As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I am honored to participate with the purpose and concept of Let Go, Let Peace Come In Foundation.  The name is long but so is the journey to recovery – but not impossible!

As a survivor, I understand how difficult life is when we keep our secrets safely hidden and never allow anyone close.  I too was trained to be that way; ‘keep your mouth shut’, ‘it’s your fault’, ‘this hurts me more than it hurts you’, ‘children should be seen and not heard’, ‘only because I love you’, ‘one day you’ll thank me for this’, ‘you made me do it’,etc.  All lies of course!

As a survivor, I know the importance of exposing the secrets the abusers worked so hard to train us to keep – their secrets, not ours!  Secrets fester inside us; they destroy our lives and cause so much internal pain that life is unbearable.  Abusers’ secrets destroy our ability to ever feel real happiness.  Abusers’ secrets are like black holes created by the abuse we suffered as a child that continuously sucks up and absorbs any hint of light or happiness that may come our way and leaves only the black void in our souls and our lives – in our very existence!  Black holes cannot be seen but we know they exist by the impact they have on everything around them – as it is in space, so it is in victims.

As I survivor, I understand that exposing my father’s vile secrets means accepting that he lied – that I have nothing to be ashamed of and it was always his shame!  By purginghis secrets, the unfathomable power imprisoning the black hole inside me deteriorates and weakens and slowly dissipates from my life – allowing light and happiness to seep in – finally.

As a survivor, I will not own him as ‘my abuser’ – he abused me – I was only an innocent child!  I want to tell the world how vile of a man he truly was (he’s dead now, perhaps answering for his crimes) but to do so will still cost me my job and acquaintances.  It’s already cost me my family.  Life is not easy for those of us who have been abused – everything is much too complicated.

As a survivor, we all need to do what we can to ensure help for future victims of childhood sexual abuse – because as long as sex permeates our societies, pushes people to think non-stop about sex and desensitizes people to ‘normal’ loving sexual activities, the problem will only intensify.

As a survivor, I implore all other survivors to send a short paragraph about what happened to you when you were an innocent child.  Including a picture of yourself distinguishes you as a real person but a male or female silhouette is provided if you prefer. Post your story. We will reach over 10,000 survivors – count yourself in!

As a survivor, I see that society would like to think that we don’t exist, that we simply disappear – perhaps we were supposed to be swallowed up in that black hole too.  We need to show them that we ARE here! We survived! But despite our strength, life is a struggle and there IS a problem with childhood abuse!  United, we can make the impossible possible!

Lonni P

Catharsis Foundation

It’s Time To Tell!

Margie M., Author, survivor

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As an incest survivor I had started a movement called The Lamplighters, a movement that currently has 41 chapters in six countries.  I was also the author of the Repair series: Repair Your Life, Repair For Kids and Repair For Toddlers, all a program for recovery from childhood sexual abuse.

My father had raped me when I was 13, sleeping with a rosary under my pillow.  When my mother found out about my father’s night time raids she blamed me and had my father beat me as punishment for what he was doing.  Her motto about my father had been, “Even when he’s wrong, he’s right.” I ran away from home when I was 18 after a beating that almost killed me.  For the next 2.5 decades I went from one abuser to another until I found myself married to my third abuser, a man so abusive that the counselor I was going to said I would never survive him.  That counselor got me into recovery, a process that took five years.  During my recovery I found out that my second husband had sexually abused my two oldest daughters.  When confronted on his deathbed about it, he told me, “Sure I did it.  It was their fault.” They were four and five years old.  My youngest daughter had been raped at gunpoint when she was seventeen while she worked at a fast food place. That made four out of four, proving that children of an untreated incest victim stand a five times greater chance of being molested themselves.

During my recovery years I did everything that I later used in writing the Repair series. Once I was finished my motto was, “If I’d known life was going to turn out this good I would have started it sooner”.

After watching the stats over the years regarding child sexual abuse and seeing what everyone was doing I was overwhelmed by the idea that the people who were working to make a difference were too numerous to count.  And while they were all making a difference in their little corner of the world, I kept thinking we needed more.  I had spoken with colleagues about the need for something we could be a part of that was bigger than we were, something that could reach its hand out and bring everyone on board the same boat, rowing together.

I originally heard about the Let Go, Let Peace Come In foundation from another survivor when he recommended me to them as a board member.  I gave it much thought and decided I was too busy.  I got a phone call from the same friend.  He tilted the scale a bit towards the foundation but, I was still dubious about what I could even contribute.  Then I received a phone call from Peter Pelullo, the Founder.  I was very impressed with Peter’s heartfelt commitment to this foundation.  We shared backgrounds and where we were in our life.  The more Peter spoke the more I could feel a tug.  I’m not sure if he was aware of me not wanting to come on board but he was so convincing that I found myself feeling as if I’d never entertained any thoughts of not joining. I knew that what the world needed was someone who was going to bring something different to this war on childhood sexual abuse.  Thousands of websites for non-profit organizations, blogs, and personal websites seemed to not make a dent in what they were trying to achieve as I could see the numbers not going down.  But Pete seemed to have his finger on a different pulse.  He wants to help, not with words, but with action.  I had never heard anyone so devoted, so dedicated, so passionate about what he thinks the world needs.  It needs to let go and let peace come in with dedicated therapists that he will bring to the foundation. I was on board!

Paul F., Husband, Father, Friend, Fire Chief & at last a Human Being

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As a participant in this Foundation I would like to attempt to describe the impact on my life that childhood sexual abuse has had. For a look into the mind and emotional life of a twelve year old who was abused let me begin when the impact of what was done to me sunk in. I developed some strategies to help me survive and feel safe, the biggest one was “No one will ever hurt me again” I accomplished this by never allowing anyone to truly get to know me. I changed neighborhoods that I hung in regularly. I would start to hang with some people that I met in school, church etc. and when they started to get too close to me I would leave and go somewhere else. In this self imposed strategy, I felt like I was protecting myself, when in fact I was creating my own isolation and loneliness.

Fear of others knowing what happened kept me shut off from true connection and friendship. I found comfort in the bottle, I began drinking to drown the feelings of shame, rejection and betrayal, all this by the time I was twelve, when I should have been playing sports or anything else a healthy child might participate in. I eventually married at the age of twenty four to a woman I have been with now for over thirty years. After my son was born and my wife wanted more from our relationship, my strategy of pushing people away kicked in automatically. This is when my drinking problem became the focus of my many problems and inability to cope, she was leaving, I was scared to death, I got sober at the age of twenty five and we stayed together.

Many years later the true nature of my difficulty with living life surfaced it was and is the dreaded reality of trying to hide childhood sexual abuse. I have been in and out of therapy for years. My parents made me go to counseling at the age of sixteen but I did not have the courage to disclose the truth, at that time. I was under the false impression that it was my fault. If only I was stronger, smarter or something other than what I was I could have prevented the subtle manipulation and betrayal.

Now that I found my way into the community of others that have been living with the impact of childhood sexual abuse and have found the courage to talk about it, I am beginning to heal my wounded soul. I would seek out professional help for the symptoms of abuse but not disclose the fact that I was in fact sexually abused. I would feel better then stop going for help, only to regress and go back for help. This process of starting and stopping finally resulted in full disclosure about the abuse to a therapist who put me in touch with people who truly understood, the freedom to talk openly and feel safe in doing so has given me my life back. The recovery process is not easy but is extremely rewarding.

It is my hope that this brief description resonates with someone and inspires you to seek a community/therapist in your area where you will find the sense of belonging and healing that I have had the good fortune to find. Please care enough about yourself to help us help you.

Larry M, Educational Game Producer - Son of a survivor

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As the son of a survivor I have witnessed first hand the horror and pain that childhood sexual abuse and trauma can cause. My mom was victimized as a young child, yet the memories were repressed for decades. For years my mom was suffocated by horror and pain. She looked for reasons and answers but could find no peace. The memories tortured her and there seemed to be no escape. The impact was severe yet she was determined to find a path to a better life. This path was littered with pitfalls and darkness yet hope still remained. She was able to find the will to face these horrors which allowed her to heal and to live again. My dad was a constant companion and even when times seemed hopeless he stayed at my mom’s side and showed all of us true love. Through this journey I have learned that what may seem impossible is truly possible. With hope and love, healing and a better life is possible. The past pales in comparison to your future. Healing starts with a choice! If you take anything away from our foundation, take away this – with hope you can heal.

Jeff D. – Husband, Father, Healthcare Professional

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Sexual abuse wasn’t the core of all my ills. By age 7, the damage that was afflicted from multiple family dysfunctions was ingrained. The neediness, wanting to be loved and accepted permeated my existence. Not knowing at the time, I would do anything to get these basic survival needs met. I became a target easily identified by any perpetrator. Identified I was. My life was further changed. I do not truly know its full impact and like my memories, may never fully know.

I lived my life not realizing the pain and turmoil. I was strong and needed no one. Believing I was making decisions when all along there was this undercurrent of dysfunction guiding my life. Like a chain beneath the water pulling an amusement ride boat, I sat in the captain’s seat thinking I was piloting my life.

Once my eyes began opening, it was overwhelming…the fear, the guilt, the pain, the what ifs.…but my life was changing. I struggled with how could I have let the abuse happen? Why was I so needy? Why as a “man” at seven years old did I let this happen? Then a sad event occurred. My daughter asked the question I never really wanted to hear, Daddy, is Santa real? I then realized, at the time of my abuse, I believed in Santa.

After decades of chaos and pain I was led to a place of other survivors. I have found friendships and intimacy beyond description. I know now there is hope and a way through the pain, chaos, uncertainty, and at times, utter despair. There may be many options for help, hence LGLPCI, a springboard to reach millions affected by childhood abuse. I am honored to be a part of this effort and have the opportunity to make a difference. I have personally witnessed and am witnessing the pain, struggles, growth, and transformation of many including the founders of this organization. This foundation is an innovative approach to provide help and to enact societal change. This is not an easy task but neither is attaining a meaningful and hopefully, somewhat happy life. This foundation can and will make a difference. My dream is that you will allow this foundation to touch your life. Through helping others, this foundation allows me to add meaning to my life and to be part of a solution and “cure” for an unacknowledged pandemic. Join us.

Peter S., Chief Executive Officer, Father, Survivor

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Something in my DNA told me what was happening to me was wrong, but in reality at 7 years old I was too scared and confused to know how to stop it. I didn't understand or know the words for what they were doing to me; one perpetrator tried to convince me it was what all the “big” boys did, the other perpetrator threatened me throughout his attacks. I slowly started to believe it was my fault.

The emotional and physiological damage I lived with for the next 48 years was the direct result of being sexually abused by two trusted teenage neighbors. Following the abuse, I went from being a carefree, playful child to a nervous child that would isolate himself. This “nervousness” was diagnosed almost five decades later as an extreme compulsive anxiety disorder caused by the attacks.

From adolescence I always knew something was wrong with me but I could never connect my dysfunction and dissociation to those horrific attacks of 1959. By the time I was in my early teens I trusted no one! When my peers were experiencing romantic relationships I would sit on the side lines knowing that the only thing that could come from a relationship that involved trust would be pain and betrayal. By the time I reached my late teens it was ingrained in my brain; sex and love didn't go together. Sex was an act of control, manipulation, and betrayal. Love was expressed by taking care of someone and needing to have another person dependent on me because it gave me value as a human being. I had little self-value and developed, lived with, and hid multiple addictions during my teens and through my mid 50's, with the primary one being sex. I started sexually acting out before the age of 8, just a few months after my parents had learned about “one” of my perpetrators and put an end to my nightmare. My mother wouldn't learn about the “second” perpetrator, who was the son of one of her closest friends, until 48 years later. This disclosure only happened because my world came unhinged which finally forced me to talk to her about the attacks by her friend's son. I made more promises and pacts with God over the years than I can count. “I do 90% good, please try and forget the 10% bad when I meet you.” But it was all to no avail. The sexual abuse and the addictions that followed from this trauma governed and ruled my entire life.   It took the total and complete collapse of my life in 2007 before I would address those life altering events of 1959.

Once my life as I knew it came to a screeching halt, I had no where to hide, no where to run, therefore I was forced into recovery. For the first time in my life I gave up my “control” I started to let my defensive walls down. Over the next two years I was blessed to have the financial resources to receive counseling and the support of “four” therapists that worked extensively to reconnect wires in my brain that had been disconnected since the age of 7. To learn at the age of 55 that all my emotional development ceased after the first attack in 1959 and that until I addressed those abusive attacks I would remain at that emotional level was not only frightening; but I realized it was true.

The only thing that was more astounding for me to learn other than how the childhood sexual abuse I endured permeated every move and human interaction I ever had in my life was to learn that there were “10's” of millions of adults that experienced similar trauma in the USA and “100's” of millions worldwide. Once I learned the statistics, I was determined to reach out to as many survivors as possible to let them know they were not alone and they, like me, could learn how to live again. I felt if I could support and guide just “one” adult to address what happened to them as a child and help them move freely and gently into recovery, following the loss of their childhood, it could possibly save that person from having to face any more personal devastation in a life consumed with confusion and havoc.

My hope in creating the Let Go, Let Peace Come In Foundation, together with my fellow caring and gifted Board of Directors, is to bring an awareness to other survivors about how their childhood sexual abuse directly correlates to the depression, anxiety and drug, alcohol, food, and sex abuse and the many other compulsive disorders they may be experiencing and how it is important to treat not only the symptoms but the core issue. By telling my story and helping others to tell their stories, I hope to enlighten other survivors and show them that they have been unfairly sentenced to live their lives as disassociated adults. Our goal is to financially help “one” survivor at a time to receive at least thirty sessions with a trauma therapist. We intend to work towards combining the therapist sessions either with a support group in close proximity to where the survivor lives or in the event there isn't a group; help and support that survivor to start one!

While I have lost much, I am thankful I will not leave this earth an emotionally and spiritually disconnected human being, but one, that will continue his journey connected to life,helping other childhood sexual abuse survivors start their journey on recovery.

"When the heart weeps for what it's lost; The soul rejoices for what it's found" - Dan Gottlieb

Email, call, or fax us and let us see if we can help you get started on your road to recovery!