Mark (New Jersey, United States)

My name is Mark and this is a testimonial for the wonderful help that I received from the “Let Go… Let Peace Come In” foundation.  At fifty years of age, my life had become unmanageable. I couldn’t deal with any stress or conflict. I felt like I had to remove myself from everyone, as anything said to me was becoming emotionally painful to me. It got so bad that I began living under a highway overpass like a homeless man. I knew something was wrong but was not able to explain it to anyone or even understand it myself. I started therapy at my wife’s insistence even though we were no longer living together. In my initial eight therapy sessions, I had a therapist ask me if I had any history of sexual abuse in my childhood. I firmly said no, as I did not, then (nor do I now) have any recollection of such history in my past. He asked me to check with family members, and sure enough, both of my sisters confirmed that all three of us had a six year long experience with a man who tortured us, sexually abused us, and constantly threatened to kill us. A man who lived in our house….

I was dumbfounded and to this day wish to deny that anything like this ever happened to me. I, however, seem to exhibit many of the classic behaviors of a childhood sex abuse survivor. I began looking for a new therapist as my initial therapy became much too expensive. I was at the Starting Point in Collingswood, NJ one evening when I heard a talk given by Annie with Peter P. in attendance. I heard about the book and the web site that Peter created and signed on to the web site immediately. I read the book and related to Peter so much, I became convinced that my sisters were telling me the truth, even if my parents denied it ever happened.

I began to write about my feelings, my ongoing lack of self worth, my inability to maintain a relationship with anyone, my suicidal tendencies… and I saw that I could post them on the LGLPCI web site. I started looking through the web site’s list of therapists and realized that there were people near me with some level of experience and could be of help to me.
I wrote my story for the first time and the foundation allowed me to post it on their web site. They were also gracious enough to offer therapy with Annie, at no expense for me.
Annie and the foundation were so important as I started down this road of self discovery. I cannot emphasize enough how much I needed them. I am still in therapy. I will be for a long time, but that initial few months were so critical that I feel blessed to have had their support. I can say that I am now much less afraid of hurting myself, that I feel more in control of my emotions, and can work every day at my job, without feeling like I am having a nervous breakdown. I still have no recollections of what happened, and maybe that’s best,  for now, I am able to make it through, one day at a time, and I credit Annie and the foundation for getting me to this point. I no longer live outdoors, and I am trying to embrace a new life with less pain, hurt, and confusion…I tell everyone I meet about the foundation, the web site, and the list of resources available to those looking for help…

Thank you to Annie, who explained about the people who live inside of me…and that little boy that I now have to console….
Thank you to the Foundation, who allowed me the opportunity to talk to someone like Annie.. it was priceless…
Thank you to Peter, who wrote about himself, and touched me so deeply…..