Bringing Awareness to Adults as to the Effects of Childhood Sexual Abuse and Providing the Assistance to Recover!

I was raised in the Wasatch-Cache National Forest of Utah, a location with an intensely religious climate (over 90% Mormon).  In the first year of my life, it became immediately apparent that I had been born with unusual talents that set me apart from other children. My parents did not understand them.  But in time, they came to find out that they were extrasensory abilities which did not go away with age.  Because of the size of the town and the predominate local religion, word of my unusual abilities got out very quickly and  they were not only frowned upon but also feared by many in the community.

Like many children growing up as a religious minority I was ostracized as a child and the extent of difficulty in my life could have stopped at that, except that it was because of my misunderstood, extrasensory talents that I caught the attention of a local sociopath who suffered from an extreme and dangerous form of dissociative identity disorder.  This man had many personalities, one of which belonged to a local Christian cult (called The Blood Covenant) and one of which attended Satanic rituals. This man who was a loose acquaintance of my family, managed to infiltrate my family and position himself between me and my parents as a mentor.  Among other things, he managed to convince me that he was my real father.   He became my mentor to such a degree that my family trusted him with me on weekend trips, with after school activities and to mentor me in horsemanship. He was who they turned to about what to do about my abilities, and later... in my teen years, they trusted him to take me in when I got so mentally unstable (due to the abuse) that my family didn’t know what to do with me anymore. All the time my parents were unaware that he was creating the very condition he claimed to be helping.  He would not let me enter my parent’s house without him, so that he could "explain away" the reasons that I continued to come home with injures, some of them bad enough that they required hospital attention.  It is an easy thing to do in a western culture, where injury is a way of life around horses and cattle and the elements.  He was taking me out of my bed at night until he eventually trained me to come of my own accord (by using electro-shock programming to "cue" me to the trigger of the time 3:22 am).  And he also managed on many occasions to take me out of school. It was because of this man that I was inducted at six years old into these local cults and was routinely ritualistically tortured and programmed by this man and the members of the cults he belonged to for thirteen years.

Over the course of those thirteen years, I was tortured physically and sexually in religious rituals, forced to participate in both animal and human sacrifices, repeatedly raped and starved.  I was forced to undergo 3 abortions (all fathered by this sociopathic man himself who was in his sixties at the time) he performed them himself because his profession as a large animal veterinarian allowed him not only the meager instruments to do so, but also the “know how”. I was photographed for sadomasochistic pornography, sold for money to men for sex out of motels and outdoor gas station bathrooms, kept hogtied in basements and kept in a hole in the ground in this man’s back yard.  I was exposed repeatedly to electro-shock programming (which has resulted in long term grand-mal seizures), forced to undergo isolation torture and left overnight tied up in lava caves in southern Idaho.   I was also forced to participate in bestiality and necrophilia and was drugged with Ketamine, Dormator, Xylazine, opiates and speed (all of which this man had unlimited access to due to his career).  I was repeatedly chased through wilderness by him while he was riding his mules "playing" tracking games in which he would hunt me and if I was caught, I was punished by him "counting coup" on my rib cage (which meant he would make linear cuts with a knife on my side). And I was also used as a lure to other children that ended up also being hurt.  The first time I tried to escape, he killed my dog (whom was my best and only friend).  The second time I tried to escape, he killed my horse.  The third time I tried to escape he managed to get the body of a suicide victim from a morgue and forced me to perform sexual acts and ritually mark the body and then proceeded to try to convince me that I had killed the man.  Despite all of this, I managed to escape at 19 years old with the help of a boy I’d only met briefly but whom is my closest friend to this day who hid me.

My parents did not recognize the "red flags" for what they were.  It did not occur to them that this thing went on in the world much less with someone whom they ended up trusting completely.  They mistook my “issues” for mental illness.  It ripped our family apart.  Now there is so much guilt and pain between us it is hard to have a decent relationship.

After my escape, I managed to make the US Telemark ski team and becoming a competitive long track speed skater.  Like many people who come from abusive backgrounds, I gravitated towards sports because it involved physical pain and it was the only skill set I had.  I had an addiction to self injury.  It was because of this altered relationship to pain that I had the ability to completely dissociate pain. The reason I did well in sports had little to do with my amazing prowess as an athlete, I am not built like an athlete. It has to do with the fact that I can shut off my pain response system because that was the only way to cope with the torture I had no choice but to endure as a child.  It was a familiar state for me and therefore I was able to push the envelope of physical stress further than most people.

My abuse did become a matter of the state.  Due to a confidentiality clause which was nullified by certain details of my abuse, my psychologist at the time presented me with the option that I willingly tell the authorities what went on or she would have to contact them with or without my consent with the details of the abuse.  So, in 2005 I told the local authorities the horrendous story of my past.  It turned into an investigation, which went cold after quite some time when the district attorney decided that despite the scar mappings and the fact that I had provided the prosecution human teeth and hair, the state could not provide enough substantial physical evidence to win a case. When interviewed for a news article, Deputy County Attorney Barbara Lachmar acknowledged the existence of my case, but said she would not speak about it other than to say “no charges to date have been filed.”  Obviously this answer leaves things fairly open-ended.  I presented an unusually noteworthy case because unlike many women who go into therapy to heal from ritual abuse, none of my memories are recovered memories.  However, I completely believe in recovered memory.  I have unwillingly participated in deliberately programming children younger than me to dissociate memories.  It is important to note that accounts of ritualistic child abuse are not new to Northern Utah.  Rumors and allegations of this nature were widespread in the 1980s.  In fact, one case in Ogden does stand out as a stark example that such things do indeed happen.  In her 2008 book “Hell Minus One,” Anne Johnson Davis writes a horrifying account of sexual torture and abuse at the hands of her parents and fellow devil worshipers. Her mother and stepfather confessed the abuse to investigators with the Utah Attorney General’s Office. Also noteworthy in the context of possible cult activity in the region was the recent discovery in Ogden of a shrine that included the remains of sacrificed animals along with two human skulls.  The news articles written about my case helped more victims of the same cult come forward to the newspaper.  Unfortunately, none of them were willing to inform police, or give names.

In 2007 I met and then married a wonderful man whom I met in a dog park who helps me to heal daily and in 2009, a miracle happened... We had a son.  After going through infertility, it was something I was told most likely could not happen due to the scarring from the forced abortions I had undergone.  Now, I have the chance to give someone the childhood I did not have.  Like many ritual abuse victims, I was mentally programmed with a “death date”.  It was a date upon which (according to the cult) my time upon this earth would run out.  That day was my 26th birthday which came in 2010.  I managed to survive that day which meant to me that not only was the cult wrong, but that I was now embarking on a new life.  After having gone through five years of specialized psychotherapy for acute PTSD specifically tailored to ritual abuse victims, I decided to use my experience and extrasensory abilities for the greater good of man kind.  I have assumed the title of “The Spiritual Catalyst” and am now developing a growing following as I embark on a mission as a contemporary spiritual guide to remind people of the united, energetic nature of this universe and to teach people how to find health, freedom and bliss in the midst of even the most extreme circumstances.

http://www.thespiritualcatalyst.com